If you find yourself in a position where you need to insult someone and you’re lacking inspiration, have I got the list for you. Here are 12 of the best sick burns, insults, quips, and all-around screw-yous from popular TV shows and movies.
Get your flashlight out because you’re going to need it for all the shade being thrown in these TV show and movie quotes.
But how do you pick just one funny insult in a sea of so many hilarious jokes? Especially when it comes to comedy shows like Arrested Development and The Golden Girls, when every other line was a quip or jab.
Naturally, we turned to the internet for help! Here are some popular answers to the best burns, insults, and quips shown on screen..
“Dumb Question” – The Golden Girls
Dorothy and Sophia have a lot of hilarious back and forths throughout the series, but one of the most iconic was an exchange between Rose and Dorothy.
Rose says “Can I ask a dumb question?” to which Dorothy quips “Better than anybody I know”. Ouch.
“It’s Offensive to the Devil” – That 70s Show
Red spends a great deal of time insulting his son Eric throughout That 70s Show but every now and then Eric gets one back on his dad. This hilarious moment was both an argument against his dad and a vengeful comment against his sister all in one. Win-win!
“I Don’t Care For Gob” – Arrested Development
Speaking of parents insulting their kids, Arrested Development’s Lucille Bluth hardly has a kind word for anyone, including her family.
There’s her hilarious insults fired at Lucille 2 (“At least he’s in prison, not an urn”) and her criticism of her daughter’s weight (“If you’re worried about criticism… Sometimes a diet is the best defence.”), but the absolute worst is the way she treats her “3rd least favorite child”, Gob.
“Try Sears” – Mean Girls
In a movie about writing a bunch of insults about your classmates in a book there’s bound to be a few zingers. At one point they sabotage the queen bee, Regina George, by feeding her weight-gain bars while she’s trying to lose weight.
Already upset, she tries to go clothing shopping and finds nothing can fit. Instead of being helpful, the sales person says “You could try Sears” to a shocked Regina.
“I Don’t Think About You” – Mad Men
Everyone agrees that Don Draper (and pretty much everyone who works at his company) is kind of a jerk, but this iconic line really stung. It was meant to be an insult to Don Draper from the abrasive Michael Ginsberg but Don masterfully takes back that power with his iconic “I don’t think about you at all” retort.
“Can’t Drive” – Clueless
This iconic movie has gone down in history as a classic, and certainly paved the way for other teen movies (Like Mean Girls) that would come after. It’s also filled with funny one-liners, including Brittany Murphy’s classic insult: “You’re a virgin who can’t drive.”
“Your Shower Head Will Be Devastated” – Scrubs
Dr. Cox is a certified jerk in the show, and everyone knows it. Yeah, he has his moments of redemption, but he has way more moments of antagonizing everyone around him.
One hilarious example is an exchange between him and Elliot Reid. She’s talking about how she’s telling all her old boyfriends that she’s off the market now that she’s engaged, to which Cox replies “I am sure the pulse setting on your shower head will be devastated.”
Good thing there are doctors around to treat that burn!
“Bland, Boring Jessica” – Bob’s Burgers
Louise is absolutely ruthless on this show and gets in plenty of zingers on her family and friends. Possibly one of her funniest moments, though, was a series of insults against Jessica, a friend who came over to her house for a sleepover party.
Louise introduces Jessica as “Bland, boring Jessica. If she was a spice, she’d be flour. If she were a book, she’d be two books.”
“Captain Wuntch” – Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I’m putting the first part of this exchange in quotes here because nearly every time Captain Holt meets Deputy Chief Wuntch he utters some kind of insult or burn to his nemesis.
There’s so many to choose from, but my favorite will always be “But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?”.
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